i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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