I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
