My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
