So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
