When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
