you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
420 ftw
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
