You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
