Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
