ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
