I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
