No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
