I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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