im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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