I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
