it was like his penis was on wheels.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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