I accidentally had phone sex last night
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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