I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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