My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
how drunk are you?
Several
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
