just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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