the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
