Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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