If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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