I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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