Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
