Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
