I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
