I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
