oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
