did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
