i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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