Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
