but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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