i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
