Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
