I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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