If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
