neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
