remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
