Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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