M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
