he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
