he told me I talked like a deaf person
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
