even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
