isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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