It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
