I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
