I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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