it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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