I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
