only you would photoshop your dick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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